To help readers cope with their anxieties in these stressful times, TOI has launched Talk it Out, a series in which expert counsellors answer your mental health queries. This week’s advice is from counselling psychologist Bindhu Subhash
I am a 50-year-old IT professional struggling with restlessness, overthinking, and anxiety. I often find myself disconnected from the present, lost in my thoughts or worried about incidents that did not meet my expectations.For example, I often dwell on arguments with co-workers or my boss. When I don’t meet a goal, I overthink about how I will handle challenging future assignments. These feelings intensify during periods of work-related stress or conflict. At home, my restless mind causes me to speak loudly, which frustrates my family. I also tend to engage in a lot of self-talk, replaying scenarios in my mind and imagining how I could have acted differently or better or given a better response when people have pinned me down. How can I manage these challenges in a better manner?
— Anonymous
It’s understandable to feel restless and consumed by thoughts, especially when work stress and expectations weigh heavily. Your mind is trying to protect you by replaying past situations and preparing for future challenges, but this overactivity is leaving you drained and disconnected. Acknowledging this struggle is the first step towards managing it. Try grounding yourself in the present to break the cycle of overthinking. A simple technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method: notice five things you see, four you feel, three sounds, two scents, and one taste. This pulls you back from mental loops. When self-talk becomes overwhelming, schedule “worry time” — set aside 10 to 15 minutes daily to reflect, then redirect your focus. At home, practice pausing before responding, consciously lowering your voice. This can create a calmer atmosphere for both you and your family. If these thoughts feel too consuming, professional guidance can provide tailored strategies. Small and mindful adjustments can create a lasting difference.
I am 25 years old. Last year, I went to Bengaluru for my studies, where I didn’t have many people to talk to or hang out with. I am an extrovert, but after going there, I felt quite lonely. The course too was very tough. There were 14 students, and all of them were Hindi-speaking. I was the only Tamil. Apart from that, the girls in my class also used to talk behind my back very badly. I tried to be friends with them but they saw me as an alien. This led to the development of self-esteem issues in me. Now, this stress is making me depressed and I often shout at people in my house and also become very aggressive. I don’t have a job and I am also worried about unemployment. I am trying to fix my sleep schedule, but not being able to. Please help.
— Anonymous
Feeling isolated, unaccepted, and struggling with self-worth is painful, especially when you’re naturally social. It makes sense that this experience left a lasting impact. Being in a space where you feel excluded and judged can shake anyone’s confidence. Now, with job uncertainty and disrupted sleep, it’s understandable that frustration is spilling over at home. Start by regaining control where you can. Structure your day — wake up at a set time, engage in small productive tasks, and set short-term job-search goals. Even sending one application or improving your resume daily is progress. For self-esteem, focus on people who uplift you. Reconnect with those who make you feel seen. Remind yourself that rejection from a few doesn’t define your worth. When anger rises, pause and breathe before responding. If sleep is an issue, reduce screen time before bed and try winding down with music or a book. If these feelings persist, talking to someone (professionally or personally) can help. You’re not alone in this, and things can improve with small steps.
When people talk to me, I am often unable to express myself. I like to be alone but sometimes I feel very lonely as nobody is there to talk to freely and with whom I share my problems. I don’t understand whom to trust. Please help.
— Anonymous
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot inside, and that can feel heavy. Wanting to express yourself but struggling to do so can be frustrating, and loneliness only makes it harder. It’s okay to feel this way, you’re not alone. Many people experience this and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Start by giving yourself space to process. Writing down your thoughts or expressing them through art or music can be a gentle first step. If conversations feel difficult, try sharing small thoughts with someone you trust. Trust is built over time, not overnight. Loneliness doesn’t always mean a lack of people but rather a lack of connection. Seek small and meaningful interactions in safe spaces. Maybe a hobby, an online community or even a support group can help. You don’t have to do this alone. If it feels overwhelming, talking to a mental health care professional can help you navigate these emotions in a supportive and non-judgemental way. Remember that you deserve to be heard. Start small, and over a period of time, connections will follow.